Cleave to your spouse...

This reading came at a perfect time. I feel as though I have been put on the back burner recently and it is not a good feeling. My husband recently accepted a job and Logan, Utah so he has been living there with his sister and her husband while I finish off the semester here in Rexburg. Living apart has been extremely hard. We see each other every weekend which is great, but it is still really challenging. While being in Logan, my husband has become extremely close with his sister. While I think this is great, I have often felt like he values the relationship he has with her more than the relationship he has with me.

I honestly felt like being apart put a huge strain on our marriage. We were arguing about stupid things and I was nervous to tell him the way I felt, because I didn’t want him to think I didn’t like his sister. One weekend when he came home, I sat him down and with tears in my eyes I expressed the way I felt. I wasn’t sure how he was going to take it, but with tears in his eyes he apologized sincerely. He was devastated that he put me in that situation and we promised that we would always put each other first.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

I know the importance of cleaving unto your spouse. Sometimes it is really hard and I just want to call my parents, but I know that getting through hard times in a marriage simply strengthens the relationship you have with your spouse. 

Unity

I loved the reading for this week. My favorite article was “That we may be one” by Henry B. Eyring. He explains the importance of becoming one with your spouse. I never truly understood the importance of unity until I was married. I have seen and observed couples who aren’t unified and it is heartbreaking. I am grateful that my husband and I are on the same page about a lot things in our marriage. Another thing I have noticed in marriages is that men and women keep such a tight relationship with their parents, which is fine, but “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). I have seen this destroy many marriages. Some people just have a hard time letting go of their parents. I have a testimony of the power of unity. I know that if couples are unified, they will live a happy life. 

Fidelity in Marriage

This week’s lesson made my stomach turn. It is so sad and so scary that infidelity is becoming more and more common in marriages. My mind goes back to Goddard and the progression of unfaithfulness he shared. Where do we draw the line?

• ·         Behaviors that seem innocent
• ·         An affection grows that claims part of one’s heart
• ·         Extramarital flirting.  Justification-“no harm intended”
• ·         Relationship declared as “special”
• ·         Opportunities created to see “special friend”
• ·         Excuses made, lies told to hide time and resources spent on other person
• ·         Spouse is displaced. Emotional intimacy exchanged with “special friend”
• ·         Faultfinding with spouse
• ·         Fantasies about other person
• ·         Physical affection– a squeeze, a kiss, a hug
• ·         Sexual relations

I have observed this with close friends of mine and it is heartbreaking. I took a marriage prep class with my husband before we were married and my professor drilled this into our brains. He said that this can happen to anyone and that your spouse should NEVER have a “best friend” of the opposite sex. I have seen this destroy marriages and families. May we all be faithful members of this gospel as well as a faithful spouse. 

Lucky, just lucky

I have been feeling really blessed lately. My husband has a great job, our marriage is great and we are happy. After doing the reading for this week I realized how lucky I truly am. I married a man who has the same beliefs and standards as me. I married someone who shares the same hopes and dreams as me. Not a whole lot of people can say that, and it makes me sad for them. Gottman explains in the reading that, “when you’re gridlocked, trying to view your differences as a kind of psychological trick knee that you can learn to cope with may seem impossible. But you can do it.” I am just grateful that my husband and I are on the same page about a lot of things. His dreams are my dreams and my dreams are his dreams. That’s how it has always been.

“But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.” (Moroni 7:47) I love what Goddard said about charity. He explained that we either see things in a Christ like way or we don’t. “We choose to see each other the way ordinary mortals see each other, or we choose to see each other the way Jesus sees us. That is charity, the mind of Christ.” May we all be charitable not only in our marriages, but in our everyday life.

Conflict in Marriage

Like I have said many times before, marriage isn’t always easy. I know that I am pretty new at this whole marriage thing, but that doesn’t mean my husband and I don’t have our differences. For the most part we do really well communicating with one another, but just like every marriage there are certain things that just drive me crazy. I realize that we are going to have disagreements. Some of those disagreements might even end up being perpetual problems which are the most common. Something I found interesting in this week’s reading was that even though couples argue about the same things throughout their marriage (housework, children, sex) doesn’t mean their marriage is going to fail and be unsuccessful. Most couples learn to live and even make light of those situations. Fighting and arguing is going to happen in a marriage. No matter how nice you are there is simply no way around it. President James E. Faust says that we must forgive often. Choosing not to forgive can and will make what seem to be small problems much worse. “It is not easy to let go and empty our hearts of festering resentment. The Savior has offered us His precious peace through His atonement.” (James E. Faust) How lucky are we to have the knowledge of the ultimate sacrifice. We, as married couples need to let things go. We need to forgive and rely on the infinite atonement for peace and comfort. We must forgive to be forgiven. 

The Healing Power of Forgiveness- James E. Faust April 2007 General Conference 

Pride in Marriage

When thinking about marriage, pride is something that should never come to mind. There can’t be pride in marriage it just gets you nowhere. Just think about it, does having pride solve anything? No, no it doesn’t. When doing the reading for this week I was able to reflect on my marriage and the relationship I have with my husband. There have been plenty of times we have got into little arguments and because we are both stubborn and a little prideful, things just don’t end well.  I have definitely noticed a difference when pride does come into play and when it doesn’t. When my husband and I are able to talk about our feelings and get everything out on the table, it immediately eliminates tension and allows us to forgive and move on.

Growing up I never wanted to hear that I was wrong, or that I had done something to offend another person, but that all went out the window when I got married. I am grateful that my husband is able to tell me when I am doing something he doesn’t like, I am grateful that he helps me become a better person. That is what marriage is all about; building each other up instead of tearing each other down. 

Faith

  

I have only been married a few months, but there have been quite a few times where I had to put all my trust in the Lord. Like I have said before, marriage isn't always easy. It takes time and patience. I know that the times I have put my trust in the Lord I have become closer to my husband and my Savior. When Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ play a part in marriages, it truly makes everything better. I have seen the hand of the Lord in my life and in my marriage. I am eternally grateful for the knowledge I have of the gospel of Jesus Christ. May we all have faith in Christ to help us have successful marriages. Boyd K. Packer said, "Some marriages do bend, and some will break, but we must not, because of this, lose faith in marriage nor become afraid of it."

Love and Admiration

When thinking about a happy marriage I not only think of mine but I think of my parents. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home where a mom and a dad loved each other unconditionally.  Their love and admiration for each other was inspiring and I knew that I wanted a happy marriage just like them.

Now that I am married I appreciate the great examples I had of loving couples growing up. Being married isn’t always easy, but it is the best decision I ever made. Marriages take time, effort and most importantly love.

How do I show love and admiration in my marriage? I truly didn’t know I could love someone as much as I love my husband. I don’t think loving someone always needs to be hugs and kisses. I show my husband I love him by letting him snore, because I know how tired he is. I show him I love him by making sure he always has clean clothes to wear and good food to eat. I show him I love him by looking him in the eyes and telling him how much he means to me. I show him I love him by expressing my love through words.  My husband isn’t the most romantic person, but let me tell you, he is so romantic with his words. He makes me feel so loved and important and that is all I have dreamed of.

It is important to express to your spouse how much you love them, often. That is how marriages will succeed. Love one other and cherish one another. 

Marriage Takes Time & Effort

Marriage is not always easy. In fact, it can be quite challenging at times. Marriage takes time and effort. Arguments are going to happen and husband and wife are going to disagree on things. What I liked most about the reading this week was it was based on friendship. Being friends with your spouse is truly rewarding.

I am so grateful for the relationship I have with my husband. He is my best friend. A few weeks ago I was asked if I ever get bored being with my husband all day. I shook my head and said, “no way. Being with him is my favorite thing in the world.” Being married is like hanging out with your best friend all day. Do my husband and I always get along? No. Do we argue about stupid things? Yes.

It’s sad when couples think that because they argue their marriage won’t last. Gottman stressed the importance of communication and compromise. Without communicating effectively you cannot have a successful marriage. I also loved that Gottman said, “For every negative thing you say to your spouse, make it up with 5 positive things.” It is easier to get your feeling hurt by something negative said than feel better and comforted by something positive said.

Communicate in your marriages. Strive to be the best spouse you can be. My bishop once told me, “Stop focusing on all the things your husband does wrong. Instead, think of how you can make yourself better.” Compromise is key. Love one another, say nice things to one another and be the best you can be.

Holiness To The Lord, The House Of The Lord

                              

                                                        Oakland, California Temple

The Temple is such a wonderful place. It truly is the house of the Lord, and it can bring such amazing blessings. I had always attended the temple as a youth, but I never fully understood what the temple and the sacred covenants we make had in store for me. I recently went through the temple, and let me just say it was breathtaking. Everything I thought was going to happen didn’t, it was even better than I could have imagined. After attending the temple I have a much better understanding of this gospel and of my Savior.

Kneeling across the alter, looking into my husband’s eyes, I knew that I was making the best decision of my life. I have only been married for a short period of time, but I have seen the blessings the temple can give. I thought I loved my husband with all I had, until he took me to the temple. Now I love him in a way I didn’t know was possible. The blessings of the temple are true and very, very real. Tears fill my eyes as I think of how I have been blessed, because of the sacred covenants I have made not only to my spouse, but with the Lord.

President Ezra Taft Benson lists the many blessings we can receive by attending the temple. He said, “When you attend the temple and perform the ordinances that pertain to the House of the Lord, certain blessings will come to you: You will receive the spirit of Elijah, which will turn your hearts to your spouse, to your children, and to your forebears. You will love your family with a deeper love than you have loved before. Your hearts will be turned to your fathers and theirs to you. You will be endowed with power from on high as the Lord has promised. You will receive the key of the knowledge of God. (See D&C 84:19.) You will learn how you can be like Him. Even the power of godliness will be manifest to you. (See D&C 84:20.) You will be doing a great service to those who have passed to the other side of the veil in order that they might be “judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.” (D&C 138:34.)”

I love this gospel and I love the temple. I am grateful for the knowledge I have of both and for the knowledge I have of my loving Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ. 

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1985/08/what-i-hope-you-will-teach-your-children-about-the-temple?lang=eng 

Marriage

“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” (THE FAMILY: A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD)

Gender and same sex attraction has been and I think always will be a subject people don’t agree on. I know that I personally have my own thoughts and feelings about it, but I have never been one to stand up and tell the world how I feel. Maybe that’s a good things and maybe it’s not. I would never want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I do know for a fact that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us so much no matter who we are, where we come from or what we look like. I wish everyone had a testimony of this gospel and the many blessings it can bring into our lives on a daily basis. Like I said, I have never been one to tell others how I feel about this subject, but after being married and sealed in the temple, I have a better understanding of eternal marriage and the importance of a forever family.

“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” (THE FAMILY: A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD)

www.lds.org

For Time And ALL Eternity

                                                         Oakland, California Temple 

What does marriage mean to you? To me, marriage is an essential step in order to return to our Heavenly Father. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states, “The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” It would truly make my heart so happy if everyone had this same belief about marriage, but in today’s world that is simply not the case.

Divorce is such a common thing nowadays and it is heartbreaking. Couples that get divorced don't look at marriage with an eternal perspective. A lot of couples just get married out of lust, and or selfish reasons. Couples think that getting a divorce is a solution to their problems. In some special cases, divorce is needed, but in a majority of marriages husband and wife just give up. Instead of trying to solve their problems and save their marriage they turn to divorce as a way out. The thing that I have a hard time wrapping my head around is that couples chose to get married for a reason. That reason is usually because they love each other and they make each other happy. So how do those feelings get lost? How do things get so bad that they forget how much they love each other? I hope that is something I never forget. The gospel is becoming more and more distant from the world. It is so important that we choose the side of righteousness and stick with it. I recently got married and it has been difficult at times, but it has by far been the best decision I have ever made. Nothing beats the feeling of being sealed to my husband for time and all eternity.