Cleave to your spouse...

This reading came at a perfect time. I feel as though I have been put on the back burner recently and it is not a good feeling. My husband recently accepted a job and Logan, Utah so he has been living there with his sister and her husband while I finish off the semester here in Rexburg. Living apart has been extremely hard. We see each other every weekend which is great, but it is still really challenging. While being in Logan, my husband has become extremely close with his sister. While I think this is great, I have often felt like he values the relationship he has with her more than the relationship he has with me.

I honestly felt like being apart put a huge strain on our marriage. We were arguing about stupid things and I was nervous to tell him the way I felt, because I didn’t want him to think I didn’t like his sister. One weekend when he came home, I sat him down and with tears in my eyes I expressed the way I felt. I wasn’t sure how he was going to take it, but with tears in his eyes he apologized sincerely. He was devastated that he put me in that situation and we promised that we would always put each other first.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

I know the importance of cleaving unto your spouse. Sometimes it is really hard and I just want to call my parents, but I know that getting through hard times in a marriage simply strengthens the relationship you have with your spouse. 

Unity

I loved the reading for this week. My favorite article was “That we may be one” by Henry B. Eyring. He explains the importance of becoming one with your spouse. I never truly understood the importance of unity until I was married. I have seen and observed couples who aren’t unified and it is heartbreaking. I am grateful that my husband and I are on the same page about a lot things in our marriage. Another thing I have noticed in marriages is that men and women keep such a tight relationship with their parents, which is fine, but “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). I have seen this destroy many marriages. Some people just have a hard time letting go of their parents. I have a testimony of the power of unity. I know that if couples are unified, they will live a happy life. 

Fidelity in Marriage

This week’s lesson made my stomach turn. It is so sad and so scary that infidelity is becoming more and more common in marriages. My mind goes back to Goddard and the progression of unfaithfulness he shared. Where do we draw the line?

• ·         Behaviors that seem innocent
• ·         An affection grows that claims part of one’s heart
• ·         Extramarital flirting.  Justification-“no harm intended”
• ·         Relationship declared as “special”
• ·         Opportunities created to see “special friend”
• ·         Excuses made, lies told to hide time and resources spent on other person
• ·         Spouse is displaced. Emotional intimacy exchanged with “special friend”
• ·         Faultfinding with spouse
• ·         Fantasies about other person
• ·         Physical affection– a squeeze, a kiss, a hug
• ·         Sexual relations

I have observed this with close friends of mine and it is heartbreaking. I took a marriage prep class with my husband before we were married and my professor drilled this into our brains. He said that this can happen to anyone and that your spouse should NEVER have a “best friend” of the opposite sex. I have seen this destroy marriages and families. May we all be faithful members of this gospel as well as a faithful spouse. 

Lucky, just lucky

I have been feeling really blessed lately. My husband has a great job, our marriage is great and we are happy. After doing the reading for this week I realized how lucky I truly am. I married a man who has the same beliefs and standards as me. I married someone who shares the same hopes and dreams as me. Not a whole lot of people can say that, and it makes me sad for them. Gottman explains in the reading that, “when you’re gridlocked, trying to view your differences as a kind of psychological trick knee that you can learn to cope with may seem impossible. But you can do it.” I am just grateful that my husband and I are on the same page about a lot of things. His dreams are my dreams and my dreams are his dreams. That’s how it has always been.

“But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.” (Moroni 7:47) I love what Goddard said about charity. He explained that we either see things in a Christ like way or we don’t. “We choose to see each other the way ordinary mortals see each other, or we choose to see each other the way Jesus sees us. That is charity, the mind of Christ.” May we all be charitable not only in our marriages, but in our everyday life.

Conflict in Marriage

Like I have said many times before, marriage isn’t always easy. I know that I am pretty new at this whole marriage thing, but that doesn’t mean my husband and I don’t have our differences. For the most part we do really well communicating with one another, but just like every marriage there are certain things that just drive me crazy. I realize that we are going to have disagreements. Some of those disagreements might even end up being perpetual problems which are the most common. Something I found interesting in this week’s reading was that even though couples argue about the same things throughout their marriage (housework, children, sex) doesn’t mean their marriage is going to fail and be unsuccessful. Most couples learn to live and even make light of those situations. Fighting and arguing is going to happen in a marriage. No matter how nice you are there is simply no way around it. President James E. Faust says that we must forgive often. Choosing not to forgive can and will make what seem to be small problems much worse. “It is not easy to let go and empty our hearts of festering resentment. The Savior has offered us His precious peace through His atonement.” (James E. Faust) How lucky are we to have the knowledge of the ultimate sacrifice. We, as married couples need to let things go. We need to forgive and rely on the infinite atonement for peace and comfort. We must forgive to be forgiven. 

The Healing Power of Forgiveness- James E. Faust April 2007 General Conference 

Pride in Marriage

When thinking about marriage, pride is something that should never come to mind. There can’t be pride in marriage it just gets you nowhere. Just think about it, does having pride solve anything? No, no it doesn’t. When doing the reading for this week I was able to reflect on my marriage and the relationship I have with my husband. There have been plenty of times we have got into little arguments and because we are both stubborn and a little prideful, things just don’t end well.  I have definitely noticed a difference when pride does come into play and when it doesn’t. When my husband and I are able to talk about our feelings and get everything out on the table, it immediately eliminates tension and allows us to forgive and move on.

Growing up I never wanted to hear that I was wrong, or that I had done something to offend another person, but that all went out the window when I got married. I am grateful that my husband is able to tell me when I am doing something he doesn’t like, I am grateful that he helps me become a better person. That is what marriage is all about; building each other up instead of tearing each other down. 

Faith

  

I have only been married a few months, but there have been quite a few times where I had to put all my trust in the Lord. Like I have said before, marriage isn't always easy. It takes time and patience. I know that the times I have put my trust in the Lord I have become closer to my husband and my Savior. When Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ play a part in marriages, it truly makes everything better. I have seen the hand of the Lord in my life and in my marriage. I am eternally grateful for the knowledge I have of the gospel of Jesus Christ. May we all have faith in Christ to help us have successful marriages. Boyd K. Packer said, "Some marriages do bend, and some will break, but we must not, because of this, lose faith in marriage nor become afraid of it."